NOW THAT THE WORLD KNOWS TRUMP WON IN 2020, CHINA IS ABOUT TO INVADE TAIWAN, RUSSIA IS ABOUT TO REPLACE THE US AS THE MAIN SOURCE OF EUROPEAN GAS AND OIL, NATO IS EXPANDING AND REALLY PISSING OFF PUTIN, OUR MILITARY IS WOKE WITH RAINBOW BULLETS, THERE IS NO REAL COVID VACCINE AND IT’S KILLING OUR KIDS, WE ARE ABOUT TO ENTER WWIII, INFLATION IS INSANE, OUR PRESIDENT IS RETARDED, WE PUT AN AFFIRMATIVE ACTION BLACK FEMALE RACIST ON SCOTUS, COW FARTS ARE SOON TO BE TAXED, THE ALIENS HAVE RUN OUT OF WHITE BALLOONS AND THE US DOLLAR IS WORTH SH*T, IT’S TIME TO MERCILESSLY MOCK DEMOCRATS SO THEY STAY HOME AND NEVER LEAVE THEIR BASEMENT. OH YEAH, AND LET’S NOT FORGET TO REMIND THEM TO START WEARING THOSE NEW MASKS MADE FROM PLASTIC WRAP. NOT TIGHT ENOUGH? LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

AND BTW, IT’S REALLY REALLY CHEAP AND SOME OF IT GOES TO THE RE-ELECT TRUMP 2024 FUND, WELL NOT ALL THAT MUCH BUT SOME.

Now, I’m gonna find out who bought the first edition and send you a free gift. Maybe. I’ll start thinking about it. Unless it’s past 10 PM. OK, 6PM. Then I’m probably drunk. Hic. Scuzeme. Burp.

Oh yeah, that phone number I gave to contact me doesn’t work. The stupid phone fell in the toilet and there was other ‘stuff’ in there so I flushed it. Then I had to call a plumber who fished it out, and it still worked OK but it was kinda gross so I threw it in the backyard and can’t find it anymore since the guys who cut the grass probably chewed the damn thing up. It’s OK, nobody wants to talk to me anyway.