How to Properly Insult a Democrat

Jane Fonda’s new workout video, ‘Jumping to Conclusions’ is perfect for rioters

Whatever Happened to Jane Fonda in Tights? - The New York Times


Rioting is a lot of work. First you have to get out of bed and then get out of your basement and tell your Mom where you’re going so you can be back before breakfast. If you’re lucky maybe your Mom can make you brown bag and for obvious reasons, smores would be an ideal snack..As most Democrats already know, ‘never let a good fire go to waste’.

Not only that but looting big box stores the night before can yield some nifty workout outfits. Just because you can’t try them on because the fitting rooms are on fire doesn’t mean you can’t take them home and try them on in the privacy of your own basement. We do recommend looting full-length mirrors and if you’re really good at it maybe those three-way ones you see in fitting rooms.

And if you don’t have a matching mask and $400 pair of Nikes, not to worry. Your Mom can make you a mask if you ask her real nice and the sneaks can always be ‘acquired’ at a later date.

So as we said, looting, starting fires, smashing cars and destroying monuments can be pretty hard on a body that’s been basement dwelling for a few years. Getting the right warm-up outfit is really important which is why you need to ‘shop the sales’ in inner cities.

Now that the autopsy of George Foreman…..uh Foley has been completed, we have all the answers right in front of us. Of course the 27 different drugs in his blood, lack of neck bruising, 90% coronary artery block, Paraganglioma, hypertensive heart disease and 54 other potential causes of death don’t mean nuthin’.

With this new video, you can ignore all the above potential causes of death, which is why ‘Jumping to Conclusions’ is literally flying off the shelves in inner cities throughout this great country of ours. And don’t for a minute think Jane is resting on her laurels. Next week she will introduce her new workout video, ‘Knee on Neck, What the Heck’, in 8-track and Beta-Max. Pre-Orders are being accepted. We can’t wait.

Published by Axel Thomas

An International Sensation, author, lecturer, and disestablishmentarian whose talents and accomplishments have made him a household name and is considered a Deity in most countries. Also a Professional Goofball living the dream in Southwest Florida.

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