Jussie Smollett out protesting “Fake News” while texting “Fake News” as he’s protesting 

Just when we thought we were done with this faketard, out prances Juicy Schmoolay (Thanks Dave Chappelle). He and Kim Fox should both be in prison by now but that’s now how things work in The Chi. It looks like Juicy has abandoned his usual lynch neck tie for a bandana but we here at GT think the rope-tie looks best and could just as easily have been wrapped around his mouth and nose in Covid compliance. I guess we’re just more fashion-oriented than most publications.

Apparently, while Juicy was out protesting he was texting about all the people who were trying to douse him with bleach which was actually ‘Whitening Cream’ that was recently pulled off the shelves because it was racially insensitive. Though nobody actually saw the bleach or cream, or anybody even wanting to associate with Juicy, the Swat team was still called in to provide security. Looks like Juicy still has the Juice.

He was also complaining about the heat. You see, Juicy only enjoys walking The Chi after 2AM in temperatures 30 degrees below zero since he is more likely to meet people who may want him to autograph their Subway Sandwiches. As Juicy now tells it, he was expecting to meet his fan club at that time and the rope was actually a jump rope to help keep him warm on his way to the Subway Sandwich Shop. Uh huh.

The final straw for Juicy on this beautiful sunny day was when he allegedly encountered hundreds of people hurling racial and homophobic slurs at him. Naturally, he was devastated as he texted these horrific events to CNN and MSNBC who immediately broadcast them in 45 languages while simultaneously beaming them into outer space. As luck would have it, one of the UFO’s that have been sighted recently over US Military bases was passing overhead and beamed Juicy up before any harm could befall him. Naturally, the texting stopped as the UFO darted away at Warp Speed but we all have a feeling we haven’t heard the last from Juicy.