How to Properly Insult a Democrat

‘Minnesota Nice’ not just a slogan but a way of life

There’s just something about Minnesota.

Maybe it’s because it smells like cheese all the time where nobody can figure out who cut it. And the fact there are precious few Brooklyn Hipsters to compete with the multi-racial metrosexual Minnesota hipsters does have its appeal. Oh yeah, did I mention every citizen of Minnesota has a cabin by the lake provided by the government?

This state and the Twin Cities is the home of Target. Yes, Target. No wonder they were giving out all sorts of free stuff the other night. Seems like everyone was just cashing in their EBT cards (Everyone Burn Target) at the same time and getting exercise by hammering every cash box until it opened. Who needs gyms when Target provides ready-made workouts with 65″ TV sprinting, baby clothes jogging, and shopping cart filling contests?

And just because the Minnesota State Fair motto, “We-a-for-Sharia” has not caught on doesn’t mean the Quran is not favored over all other religious texts. We understand that the deep-fried Somali dog testicles were a real hit at the fair this year. Ilhan Omar for President?

In the end, Minnesota Nice simply means everyone gets along. Auto parts stores are always having fire sales. Every night after sundown, every Target opens their doors for the entire community to enjoy. The Police Stations are always open to the public except during those unforeseen times when they look like Chernobyl.

And as just about everyone knows, in Minnesota, “Diversity is our Strength” is not just a slogan, it’s a way of life. The best example is how the Governor has asked the maker of M&M’s (Mars and Murrie) to refer to themselves as Muslims of Minnesota putting tiny images of Mecca and Medina in place of the letters M and M. Peace and harmony are ways of life in the Land of 10,000 Lakes which is why the Olympic Committee is so interested. Who can blame them?

And as our President says, “What have you got to lose?” Exactly.

Published by Axel Thomas

An International Sensation, author, lecturer, and disestablishmentarian whose talents and accomplishments have made him a household name and is considered a Deity in most countries. Also a Professional Goofball living the dream in Southwest Florida.

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